It was the moment of truth. The moment I realized what it was all about.
This was when I first encountered my definition of adulthood: knowing
what it’s all about; knowing the truth. In fewer words: ceasing to be na´ve.
How could someone do this
to me? How can someone be so cold and unfeeling?
What did I do to deserve being treated like I was nothing? Why is this
happening? To understand the answers to these kinds of questions, a person must
first make the transition into adulthood. I stopped being na´ve about relationships
seven months ago, after my break up with my first girlfriend. We had been together
for thirteen months before we mutually ended it. I had never imagined that someone
I love and someone who says she loves me back could break my heart over and over. Then,
I realized that the relationship meant more to me than it did to the other person. This
moment of realization was when I felt most like an adult.
My philosophy in life is
to learn from the things that I do and from the things that get done to me. It
hurt like hell to break up, but it doesn’t anymore. That’s because,
as an adult, I can look back on the situation and see it from a different perspective.
It only hurt before I gained this perspective, because I was na´ve. But
I appreciate this hurt because it taught me something about relationships and priorities.
Losing her, I gained so much more. Since the little wake-up call, I’ve
more than gained the sight of truth. That’s a very good thing!
I believe it is okay to
be na´ve. It is part of reaching maturity, and it seems to be the best way to
really discover things and gain experience. When a person is na´ve, he/she can
reach maturity while learning from the experiences encountered under this condition—the experiences you can have only
while being naive. Naivety sets someone up to get hurt, which in turn sets them
up for the learning experience. This ultimately leads them to gain an understanding
of who they are as an individual, what they are capable of, and what they believe in.
And while they grow up, that is constantly changing. But eventually, everyone
settles and comes to a decision on who they want to be.
Looking back, I can say
with certainty that choosing Steph (my first girlfriend) was a mistake. A very
big mistake. But I don’t regret it because there are two kinds of mistakes: the ones one can benefit from—and—the ones that one makes over and over
again. Steph was a good kind of mistake because now I’m a better, more
complete person from having been with her. I’ve gained an adult understanding
of a real life situation, and I am capable of sharing that with others if need be. I
try to limit making repetitious mistakes, like if I would buy something I don’t really need. Why spend the money on something I’m not going to use or something that I can do just fine without? These kinds of mistakes are bad choices that can add up to worse situations if precautious
action is not taken. It has to start with the choice. From there, the choice can lead in many different directions and to many good or bad situations.
While I felt like an adult
after the break up, there was still some natural naivety left in me; another girl broke my heart. The good thing is that this time, with my “adult-mindset,” it didn’t hurt as much, and
I saw it for what it really was—another stepping stone. That’s what
being an adult is really about: Truth—seeing things for what they really
are. Children lack this trait.
As a child, a person might
envision Santa Claus as a real existing person, whereas adults know that he is merely fictitious. Even grown men may fail to make this transition into truth. A
lot of men selectively view women as only sex objects.
The adult-minded male, however, reveres women with a certain level
of respect for their entire identity, not just their sexual attractiveness.
things happen to me everyday that make me feel like an adult. With each day that
comes, I am more and more capable of wisely handling these situations because of the practice and experience that has been
gained through my becoming an adult. However, back at the beginning of the end
of innocence, I struggled to understand the transition. The irony is that I didn’t
really understand it until I stopped trying to and just accepted it. I never
really understood the relationship break up until I had finally accepted that it was over.
And at that moment, I knew I was becoming an adult.