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The very first thing you must do coming into a relationship is know where you stand on things...don't show the world the grays...you
can't really get to know someone if they don't paint you the picture in black and white...and if they're someone that fits
gracefully into your life the black and white ignites into colors burning bright!
One of
the greatest lessons you can encounter from your experience in relationships is to fight to urge to possess. I've often
found that when a person enters his/her first relationship where there he/she is having sex with the person, that person undergoing
the first time experience often experiences this urge as a side effect of the sexual relationship. It's the intimate
closeness that causes the attachment that connects you in a way that you no longer experience individualism, you are part
of the other person and sensitive to all their actions regardless of your involvement in them. And since it's the first
person in your life you've made this kind of close connection to, you are too naive to break away and realize the unhealthiness
of the situation. It's a trap--two people trapped as one person inside a bubble of mind-manipulating paranoia and jealousy.
And it's so strange because that type of bond is meant to bring two people closer; it's supposed to build trust but all it
seems to do that first time is build insecurities in the relationship...and it's just because the first time around there
are all these unknowns--new feelings and new thoughts. The inability to manage the unknowns is the downfall of inexperience.
I've seen this pattern made by many others and I've gone through it myself. I fear it is something that you
can only truly understand and learn from once it has happened. And by then it is too late. You must lose to gain,
in a sense.
Real
love is powerful enough to let go...the bond that frees. The greatest gift you can give to someone in a relationship
is letting them have themselves. Don't take away from who they are. If someone would give you this gift, in the
words of Brandon Boyd and Incubus, to "Make Yourself", then you will have found the truth in and of love. And on
the giving end...you will have discovered the best way to love someone intimately. Trust and show them that you care
about them, not for your own benefit but theirs. That's love.
Think
of a pile of sand setting on the palm of your hand. Your hand is laid out open, and the sand remains with you.
But once you try and clench your fist around it, the sand seeps through the cracks and escapes your attempt to trap it.
You lose it. In the same way, once you learn to love with the faith to let go, you need not worry about losing them.
That kind of love is a trusting bond from which no one would desire to flee. The only kind of love that will leave you
alone is the kind that YOU won't leave alone. If you want to love you've gotta let go.
Billy
Joel – Tell Her About It
Listen
boy
Don't want to see you let a good thing
Slip away
You know I don't like watching
Anybody make the
same mistakes
I made
She's a real nice girl
And she's always there for you
But a nice girl wouldn't
tell you what you should do
Listen boy
I'm sure that you think you got it all
Under control
You
don't want somebody telling you
The way to stay in someone's soul
You're a big boy now
You'll never let
her go
But that's just the kind of thing
She ought to know
Tell her about it
Tell her everything you
feel
Give her every reason to accept
That you're for real
Tell her about it
Tell her all your crazy
dreams
Let her know you need her
Let her know how much she means
Listen boy
It's not automatically
a certain guarantee
To insure yourself
You've got to provide communication constantly
When you love someone
You're always insecure
And there's only one good way
To reassure
Tell her about it
Let her know
how much you care
When she can't be with you
Tell her you wish you were there
Tell her about it
Every
day before you leave
Pay her some attention
Give her something to believe
Cause now and then
She'll
get to worrying
Just because you haven't spoken
For so long
Though you may not have done anything
Will that
be a consolation when she's gone
Listen boy
It's good information from a man
Who's made mistakes
Just
a word or two that she gets from you
Could be the difference that it makes
She's a trusting soul
She's
put her trust in you
But a girl like that won't tell you
What you should do
Tell her about it
Tell
her everything you feel
Give her every reason
To accept that you're for real
Tell her about it
Tell
her all your crazy dreams
Let her know you need her
Let her know how much she means
Tell her about it
Tell her how you feel right now
Tell her about it
The girl don't want to wait too long
You got to tell her
about it
Tell her now and you won't go wrong
You got to tell her about it
Before it gets too late
You got
to tell her about it
You know the girl don't want
To wait--you got to
Tell her about it
Billy Joel – A Matter of Trust
Some love
is just a lie of the heart
The cold remains of what began with a passionate start
And they may not want it to end
But it will, it's just a question of when
I've lived long enough to have learned
The closer you get to the fire
the more you get burned
But that won't happen to us
Because it's always been a matter of trust
I know you're
an emotional girl
It took a lot for you to not lose your faith in this world
I can't offer you proof
But you're
gonna face a moment of truth
It's hard when you're always afraid
You just recover when another belief is betrayed
So break my heart if you must
It's a matter of trust
You can't go the distance
With too much resistance
I know you have doubts
But for God's sake don't shut me out
This time you've got nothing to lose
You can
take it, you can leave it
Whatever you choose
I won't hold back anything
And I'll walk away a fool or a king
Some
love is just a lie of the mind
It's make believe until it's only a matter of time
And some might have learned to adjust
But then it never was a matter of trust
I'm sure you're aware love
We've both had our share of
Believing
too long
When the whole situation was wrong
Some love is just a lie of the soul
A constant battle for the
ultimate state of control
After you've heard lie upon lie
There can hardly be a question of why
Some love is just
a lie of the heart
The cold remains of what began with a passionate start
But that can't happen to us
Because
it's always been a matter of trust
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