Bronson Swanson Johnson, Jr.

he owned a small gun/porno shop

and he called it "Guns 'n' Hooters"

 

I came in his store/porno

I said whats up swan?

My name's not swan, it's "Bronze"

Now get out of my shop, Ron Thomas Johns

 

So I got outa there quick as a rat,

In fact, I ran into Pat the rat and his grandpa Jack

they say they may play a game today

okay, you're gay so stay the hell away

 

They were so rude it got me upset

So I climbed into my private jet

I set the automatic cruise to Tiajuana

I put my seat in an all upright position as i smoked some wana

 

The fumes began restricting my view

Just then I saw Chris Rugh,

he led me away from the wed to the camode

I then realized I had to drop a load (or two)

 

I flushed it and we got sucked down the hole

We're falling through the sky out of control

then all our hope was quickly running out

If Rugh and I would survive was a big doubt

 

"Hey, Ron, who's that rat on a hang glider?"

It was dwight!!, He said I rented this from Ryder.

 

Grab ahold if you want to live!

If not then you'll never forgive

yourself for not trying

I'm not joking and I ain't lyin'

 

So we grabbed a hold of that rodent

the stench of his hairy hindquarters was potent

With a scream Rugh fell off

But he fell on top of a convulsing Ben Tegethoff

 

We landed and rushed to the scene

Ben was starting to turn purple but his lips were green

The shocking blow of Rugh fixed his unfortunate disorder

his random spasm syndrome was ended with the appearance of Joey Porter

 

Porter told us he had the cure

and Taga gasped "Are you sure?"

But just then a giant mole came out of a hole

he took off his mask and it was Bob Dole

 

I'm Dole the mole aka. Robert L. Dole

but then he unmasked himself again and it was Ja Rule

He busted out a rhyme that went a little like this:

"I'm the J-ah to the Rule I'm cool, fool, stay in school, don't be cruel."

 

Just then the camode from the jet came down from the sky

it crushed Ja Rule and splashed waste in Taga's eye

"I'm Blind!" screamed Taga and Rugh screamed "Why?"

I turned toward the two and said "It's okay, don't cry."

 

But then my cell phone started to vibrate

I took it out to answer as we started to migrate

It was my wife Alberta "Big Bertha" Johns

"Hello, bumblebee, how are the sons?"

 

My names not bumblebee, but that's alright

Where are you at, I haven't seen you since last night?

I said back, "you only saw a certain part of me"

"anyways that ended quickly once I had to pee."

 

I flushed it more than 3 consecutive times

then i discovered a secret door lined with beaded blinds

it opened right up and I went inside

I fell through the floor oh my what a ride

 

just then I met a man named Sylvester

he took me over to a time machine

we went back in time to a man named Chester

he introduced himself: Chester Lester MaGreen

 

hey Lester, who are you supposed to be

I'm not a malester, my name's Chester MaGreen

well Mr. McQueen, how do you do

how do i do what? he replied as we walked through

 

"Alright, you two, now get in the machine, MaGreen"

hurry up, you're slower than a bean

we all got in and pulled the big lever

just then before we vanished out popped a big beaver

 

he hopped in with us and messed up our coordinates

suddenly, we were under a big tree w/ tons of Christmas ornaments

We reset the machine and shoved that beaver off

we were all on our way to save the convulsing Tegethoff

 

all of a sudden I saw myself with Joey Porter

then, someone was calling me and I just ignored her

then the future me's phone received a text message

it said that our sons were all killed by a man who sells sausage

 

the future me told Rugh "I wish I had a time machine."

so i could go back and save my sons Habib, Abdul, and Kareem

I said to the future me, I've got just the thing

I've got a time machine, our sons lives will be redeemed

 

So then we took off in a flash in the blink of an eye

back in time to search and find the murderous sausage guy

we seeked out his sausage truck in the shape of a weiner link

we shot out all his tires, there were four of them, I think

 

We prevented the deaths of our 3 children

me, Sylvester, Chester, and his sister Mildred

so that's where I was last night when I left you

I'm sorry I was gone, but I didn't forget you"

 

I finished my story to my wife and ended the call

you think this poem's over now but that's not all

 

Just when I hung up the phone a strange man appeared

he said: I'm Hannibal the canibal he had a scraggley beard

Alright "can" what's going on

nothing much "stan" I just munched on a man

 

My name's not Stan, it's Ron Thomas Johns

Hannibal said now I'm going to eat your dongs

O My! Me, Rugh, and a dazed Taga ran

Joey Porter stayed and tacked that man.

 

We rounded a corner and appeared Mr. Snuck

"protect my snuck!" he yelled as he stuck

out his hand to shake Joey Porter's

who was knocked out by Dwight the rat's hairy hind quarters

 

that rat on the hang glider got up and was dizzy

Mr. Snuck was scared and Dwight and Hannibal were in a tizzy

they were getting it on, a fight to the finish

but for some reason they stopped and the violence diminished

 

it was because a rooster appeared through the rubbish

My names roy alexander dametrius glubbish

but you can just call me RAD-G.

I'm the biggest cock around I'm as cool as can be

 

Just then Rad-Gs brother appeared

He said my names Rudolph Alexi Dominique I said thats weird

what are you cocks doing here, I said

Oh, we're looking for the lost fresco of Mildred

 

well we'll take you there in my jet minus the camode

Porter said Damn! guess I can't drop a load.

we'll set the coordinates to Northeast Timbuktu

we put our seats in an upright position and popped in some chew

 

when we landed Porter led us from the cope to the door

we were greeted by a wild Albino boor,

He said his name was Pumba

Hook me up with yo fone numba,

 

we ran out of Cope so we went to get some

on the way we ran into someone

He said yoy! Double yoy! and o boy!

I said O no! That's definitely not Orpheus Roye

 

I said who's this old goat,

what bad luck, we found the wrong cope

we walked right by and went into a wed/tabacci shop

Frank the tank was inside with a dip in his chop

 

Rugh said "What are you doing here, Frank?"

Frank replied back, "I come in here to get spanked

by bitches that itch when they're hung by the hitch."

Then the lights went out, because of a computer glitch

 

The lights came on and big Bill appeared

Bill Hilgrove, was here o dear this is what I feared

So we kicked out Myron and old Billy

we went to the secret back room and Taga whipped out his willy

 

I said, "Put that Tagalong away, Taga."

He said, "I probably shouldn't have done that but I just had ta."

 

I said lets get down to business

let's locate that fresco with handy fresco radar

and when we get finished

we can hang out with Hagar

 

The fresco Finder started to beep

it led us outside to an abandoned jeep

Me, taga, Rugh, Frank, Porter, and Dux hopped in

Frank asked Rugh if he had any Gin (or tonic)

 

we drove over to the local mile-high building

there was a merge up ahead and vehicles were yielding

Suddenly a voice cried out, go go go gadget copter

as we discovered this was inspector gadget's jeep, now a chopper

 

We flew up the building and experienced turbulence

People were gawking out the windows at this disturbance

we landed on the roof in the upper stratosphere

A man yelled from down below, it's over here.

 

it was Leslie Peter Sheets what an unfortunate name

he said I get made fun of so bad it drives me insane

Frank said hand ova the fresco gangsta

Leslie replied "Okay, but first you gotta catch me, pranksta."

 

So Rugh chased after him but tripped over taga

who started convulsing and fell off the mile-high strata

Suddenly Dwight arrived on his hang glider swooping down

He caught up with Taga but just after he hit the ground

 

his body disintegrated as it exploded

Dwight was in shock and his glider just floated

I took back the fresco to its rightful owner

His name was Marcus Aranius Malone-Shroeder